I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize