fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
