I am in a vortex of obligation.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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