So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
