his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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