um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
