I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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