my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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