she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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