So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
