I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
