one might say we're banned from that church
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
