I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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