he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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