You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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