Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
