I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
