found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
