Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
