No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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