nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
