i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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