You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
