So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
