I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
