i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
