Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
