I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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