Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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