people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
