just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
