He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize