my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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