ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
