So drunk its hurt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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