Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
please don't ironically join a cult
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