is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
