hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think my fart just growled at me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
