I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
