I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
