3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
