youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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