We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
