Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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