we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
