Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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