I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize