life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
