I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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