I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
