You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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