He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
