I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
