They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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