Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
