I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
