Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
