There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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