the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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