if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
