Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
