college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
