i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
