When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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