I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
