Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
