I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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