im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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