Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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