i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
