I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
