How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
