he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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