what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
